Issue your apologies to people who truly deserve it, would value it and not seek to exploit it by turning it into a blackmail tool. Twice or thrice over the month did I apologize to a few friends because I valued our friendship more than the conflict, even when I wasn’t necessarily wrong. Guess what? They all became malicious, defensive of themselves and offensive with emotional blackmails. They were either too stubborn or simply irrational. I do not regret it but I have learned that they weren’t deserving of my sincerity, in expression. It disturbed the peace I had before reaching out to make peace.
In a world where apologies are thrown around cheaply, you have to learn to stand your ground else you will be taken for granted and might fall a victim of emotional blackmail. This happens especially when you are the type that wants to make peace when things go wrong in a relationship (marriage or friendship), either you are at fault or not. Particularly when you are not at fault, or your reasons for fallout are understandable. You apologize because you want a smooth continuity. You do it because unlike others you don’t have the capacity to hate or be malicious. And so, you seek peace in spite of being hurt. It is okay note that the most people don’t appreciate it. Why? It is simply because a bunch of us are impatient and have unconsciously become insensitive to how others feel.
Everyone wants to boss over the emotions of others. Think about it, when was the last time a friend genuinely shared blame with you? The new trend is that people either apologize casually after they have won an argument that you are wrong, or give countless reasons in self-defence for why they are right. They are not ignorant of what they did wrong; their ego won’t just let them express remorse. People like this see a sincere apology as a weakness. This is the foe of many relationships today, a contest of who says sorry first. Some people even see it as an admission of guilt and since they never want to be wrong, they avoid talking about it. What is happening to the world?
Saying sorry doesn’t mean you aren’t hurt, it could mean you want to resolve the issue so that you can heal. Yet, I have seen people that would bottle the hurt within and build the pain because they do not ever want to enter into a conflict resolution phase. There is an option to resolve then dissolve, but they just want to dissolve first then resolve if possible. Apologizing is only seen as a weakness by people looking to exploit it in others; ones who can’t swap places with others to see how the situation could have applied to them. People like this will say little then play mind games for as long as it takes for them to win. Such people don’t deserve your apology.
This isn’t to stop you from always seeking peace; it is just to awaken your consciousness to the fact that no matter how much you do it, some people will still battle you for it. It is like giving someone food because he is hungry, then the person accuses you of trying buy his birthright. Strange!
One last advice, choose your words carefully when apologizing. State exactly what you are apologizing for, don’t just say sorry without definition. Example:
“I am sorry for how I reacted when you accused me wrongly. I could have been calmer.”