Tade looked into my eyes with fury and expressed his disappointment in me. His exact words were,
“Femi, when it comes to love, you are a dunce. I am afraid all these girls will keep taking you for granted if you don’t learn to put yourself first. I can’t believe you let this happen again and let yourself be used.”
I didn’t utter a word in response, I had lost that right. It was the third time in two years I had gotten my heart broken. Most people will call me a fool for love, I like to say I am just one of those who feels a little too much. I wear my heart on my sleeve when I commit myself to someone, put my best leg forward for them even when it isn’t palatable, but they walk away when I need them the most.
The most painful of the last three is Adaeze. When we first met I didn’t think I would come to like her so much; she eased into my life stealthily. Before I knew it I was into her. I carried her in my thoughts, called her often and my heart always manifested with joy when she was around. One could say our lines crossed rhythmically and our visions aligned like a checkered shirt in style and simplicity. I would have sworn she was my new beginning and an eventual happy ending. I definitely didn’t see the blur in between the lines.
Adaeze was a beautiful imperfection, yet even that was a facade of lies. At first, I was cautious enough not to open my world to her in entirety but that didn’t last. She became my best habit, one I cultivated with so much passion. I swear to you, it was love, what I felt for her, how I felt about her, and why I chose her. Now I know what it means to be in love with oneself alone. She didn’t love me, she never did. I was just a recovery pack for her heartbreak, imagine how bad it hurt when she told me she was going back to the same guy who made her cry for weeks before I breathe a smile on her face with my humour.
“Olufemi, I am sorry but no matter how much I love you, my heart remains with Uche.”
Yes, that was what she said to me after she moaned his name while we kissed. I saw them kissing in the mall today and it tore my heart apart. Tade was with me. He has been battering me with words since.