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The pain of self-denial

I remember a conversation I was having with my mother a while back. She asked if I had reached out to certain people about buying my book. I told her I had, but gave up when they didn’t show interest. Her response puzzled me,

“Until they tell you to stop reaching out about the book, don’t ever assume that they aren’t interested. They might be sincerely busy or storming through life.” She added,

“if you don’t admit that you need help, when help comes it will be hard for you to embrace it.”

Her last sentence stirred curiosity in me. She explained that though it is very easy for us to hide from reality, we can’t escape reality. I pondered on those words for days and it occurred to me that though everyone struggles in life, people who have it worst are the ones who struggle with life. The ones who live in absolute denial of their reality. It is a state of mind and expression of act that slowly pushes one to insanity, hence depression. It is like walking in the rain and denying blatantly the presence of rain. You’re the only one who understands your reality because you’re trying to escape the universal reality. Inevitably, everyone thinks you’re losing it, the truth, which you also won’t accept.

It is healthy to hold on to belief but even that will suffer if that belief is not fighting a disbelief. That is, there must be something you are wagering for or against. No one uses drugs for no reason, you are either trying to cure an ailment or prevent one. Nothing is normal, there is always a problem to solve. When it gets really tough, you have to evolve.

Don’t let anyone or religion sway you into thinking things will work out when they are going really bad. They don’t know what you are going through like you do. You can’t live in their reality too, yet you must take responsibility for your reality and give it the deserved reaction. It is like being diagnosed of an ailment and telling everybody otherwise because you believe, religiously, that it isn’t your portion. The spirit, soul and body aren’t separate entities, they may perform different functions but serve one purpose, to define your existence. Without one, you are as good as dead.

Until I admitted that I was depressed and unhappy, my mental health deteriorated. You can’t pretend that your life isn’t what it is. It is good to have faith as long as it doesn’t conflict with your fate. There is no shame in admitting that you are wrong, else you’ll find it hard to manage being right. There is absolutely no shame in being in a storm, but there is in denying the storm.

Always remember, hiding from the rain isn’t the same as hiding under the rain.

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