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Dear Single (To Stupor) Self

Dear Single (To Stupor) Self,

How long has it been since you have been alone on your journey? Hours, days, months or years? I sincerely hope you’re having fun, it must be the time of your life. I mean, nothing else defines having no one to walk with, talk to and lean on but being soley comfortable. Need I remind you of the say that explains how walking with someone will help you go farther against the speed of walking alone and retiring whenever you lose steam? Do you still wake up with the pain from your past relationship? Perhaps you are still dwelling on the hurt your ex caused you.Do I need to remind you again that she has moved on? Rumour has it that her wedding date has been fixed. The clock is ticking and your relationship status is becoming worrisome by the day.

I know we both agreed that taking some time off will help you heal, what I don’t seem to understand is how you’ve decided to shut down your heart and feel nothing. You keep trending on the social media as the single and happy guy but we both know that is a lie. You are simply intoxicated by the excessive boredom of being alone that disguise has become you best act. You will shine your teeth to the world but grumble at midnight when your pillow is all you have to cuddle, those long sleepless nights. Do you know how many times you’ve wished in your heart that you have someone to call your own? I’ve lost count. I just have to ask, what exactly are you doing about that? Waiting for the right person? Ojigbijigbijigbi, ogor! Have you ever considered the fact that the right person is also waiting for you? Sometimes waiting for the right person is a total waste of time, brings you the wrong person coated in all shades of awesomeness. You have become lonely for too long you can’t spot the difference. Every fine and nice girl is a potential Bae. But na lie, even those one sef you no do, na German spec be your type but your money nor buy Nigerian made sef. Who dey deceive who?

Last I checked we labelled this phase ‘self love’. That has become a lie too. What you are is that you are unnecessarily obsessed with yourself. How irrational is it that you hate being single but put on the whole garment in various designs miserably stitched together? When they ask you, you will say “it has to be perfect”. In what world does perfect exist? Alaini nkan se ni e. If you don’t try, risk it all, how will you know if it will work? Amaka strolled by, winking at you, but you disqualified yourself.

“I am not good enough. The money for her cream alone will end my salary. See her skin.”

Idiot, what if uses her DYI natural products? Seeing isn’t always believing, not when you are searching. Sometimes you have to go to the other side and experience how green the pasture is. You don’t even know if you are the fertilizer the grass needs. You have totally lost faith in yourself and you’re wondering why your career is blinking. The girl that will give you push, you pushed her away. If her cream cost a fortune, maybe it will ginger you to double your hustle. Mba! You want readymade. Your favourite song is even Banky W’s made for you but you have refused to make yourself available.

What of Lade that you finally liked? You have refused to ask her out because she’s working class and you are just who you are, insecure. You keep blowing hot then cold, playing hide and seek. You want to hammer before you make your move. Lmao. Another guy will soon come and steal her from you. Idiot, you keep saying you want to be responsible and responsive and I keep telling you that it’s not by mouth. No one who is responsible for nothing is responsible. You’re going on 30 but it’s no big deal, Banky W did it at 35. Who am I? You are the biggest fool. You are the only one that sits with your friend and talk about how your wedding day will look like but you don’t even have Bae.

To slide into DM is wahala. You keep scrolling through instagram and following all the fine girls with constructive bio but you can only moonwalk, or is it back sliding? The girls that slide into yours nko. It’s too sudden, you don’t want to be rushed, you want friendship… Bla Bla Blab! You pushed them away and you’re wondering if you’re love cursed, no you’re not, you just have a problem. Your mates are proposing, others are meeting relationship goals but you’re here shouting up Man United! Now that they have qualified for champions league, what are you? Be there, making older single men your mentor. What if they don’t want to get married?

Mother keeps raising it but you are now an expert at killing the conversation. First male child for that matter. That girl your uncle introduced you to on facebook nko? Distance ni excuse abi. So what, she’s in Yankee? You don’t think you can travel out? That one in Asia nko? You keep friend zoning all of them and you tell your friends otherwise, you are anything other than wise, in fact you are not all that wise o. Your shoulder is the biggest, iwo ni love doctor. You write the most romantic love notes, to other people’s girlfriends. You need treatment.

I said you have a problem, you declined. Can’t you see that the fact that you can cook is trouble for you? You will whip any dish in no time. Dude you need you a good woman that will cook you a meal with plenty calories of love. You don’t mind squeezing akara inside bread. There’s a girl out there willing to feed you with attention. You keep saying all girls are the same, padi you’re the one that is insane. You keep opening your eye to darkness and shutting it to light.

You know you are tired of being single but you just won’t take a worthy step. Make a shortlist of all the girls that you like and trim it down to the ones who like you too. Ask all of them out, at least one wants you. If none says yes, reevaluate yourself. If more than says yes, well, who says you can’t have double for the long wait as long as you don’t intend to walk both to the altar. It’s not all the time you get to make a choice, sometimes risk it all. Stay positive, you’ll figure it out when the ship sails.

Wake up. Make Love.

Your Soul.


  1. This is deep… Nice writeup

  2. I can relate so very much. I need to remind myself to shoot my shots in the right places. I am going to binge read your posts now 🙂

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